In a Park Barefoot

I had nothing to be able to
I was blamed that
I could not do what I am required to do
but I cannot do what I cannot do
then I lost my place to sit down
and I went out of my house
wearing old pajama
wearing no shoes

Outside the house it rains regularly
To stand out of the house is painful
then I go neighborhood small park
treading on gravelled pebbles feeling pains under my feet
and sit down the only bench in this park placed near the back of the park
chilly
painful
sad
bitter
what am I ?
what am I doing here ?
why can't I walk under that azalea trees to avoid rain
and sleep in the blossoms ?
does someone use a violence at me or rape me or kill me if I sit in this rainy park ?
stupid old ma'am
with ugly face
wearing rug pajama,
who will feel delight to make ugly into ugly ?

I have no family to help me (although I do one in law)
I would better walk
looking for somewhere better than here
but too cold to move
and my feet is injured

GO HOME.
someone said
who?
why do you let me live here?
I lie down on the bench
rain pours all of my body
really
chilly

there is no telephone
I have no money
I have house key because of its security
I cannot throw away the key

GO HOME
someone said again
to trembling me with chillness
why shouldn't I be here ?
I am too cautious
to be throw away my family
stupid me

I can see my house from the bench of the park
with no light
with no door or window open

azalea, azalea,
why don't you help me ?

*

at last
I visited a friend of mine and was given a warm hospitality
at dawn I went home
there was no change on every member of my family

*

I wonder who am I
I cannot imagine to be abandoned from the family
I do not know I should prepare for